Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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