Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
