I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
