There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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