I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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