I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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