The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize