I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
it's like iHOP with fire
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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