i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
