my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
