remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
