I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
