Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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