My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
