I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
