I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize