Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
