i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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