Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
