i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
