Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
