Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There's always time for handjobs
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
