It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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