take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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