My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
