Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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