Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
PANTIES FOUND
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