We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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