At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
