hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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