Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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