Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The struggles of a small town man whore
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
