i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
