Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
