I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
