He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
