AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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