Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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