I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
try to milk me bitch
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
