Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
