So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
