He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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