Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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