3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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