this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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