i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
