Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize