I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
