I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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