U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
