Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
