Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
