if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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