a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
