i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
