I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
