I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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