winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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