If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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