New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
