you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
