FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
