I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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