I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
