The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
