you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
