He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
