Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
